You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Say something about gay babies.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Mom said you looked used
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh god it's open bar.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
