I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
