drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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