Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
