im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize