Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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