FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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