he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
