...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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