That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
