cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
