Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
