we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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