that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
