goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
