there's paper in my vomit.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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