I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
