I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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