your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
