You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
