Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Who died my cat blue again?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
