Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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