You just made me feel so damn special
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Use "feeling words"
Yay
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
