i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
