someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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