and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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