Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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