Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
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Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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