My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
