that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
