Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
