she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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