Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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