someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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