Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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