last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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