This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need a beard to bite.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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