We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
