I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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