he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
