PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
