I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
