why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
