I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
