you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
