I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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