I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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