if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
