oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
