you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
