He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
