This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
