someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
