they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
