smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
