OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
