her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
