Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
