I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
