Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
