Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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