so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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