i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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