is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
