yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
