He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
