new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
