Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
