I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
