sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
