im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is wine microwaveable?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
