1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
