I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
