I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize