Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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