He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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