guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was born a porn star she said
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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