"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
