Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize